Age of 23 -No job that pays -No degree -Depressed half the time Gotta get my act together

If there’s one thing I’d really wish for this year, i’d really like to be happier. From this day and forever. Been stuck in this slump since last October and it hasn’t ended …. It’s like a poison killing me slowly

These few days have definitely been one of the happiest periods in the past month. No work, no worries, no depression.

Through this experience I’ve realized that my work tends to get me down easily - the most of any other factor in my life. And I’m probably still searching.

This feels like a bit like word vomit but I really have to pen my thoughts down somewhere … To purge myself of the negativity.

Somehow I feel that my father and mother don’t believe in me. They dont believe in my potential for success … Always asking me what I’m doing everyday like I’m doing nothing. This is really the reason why I need to really MAKE IT in the next three years or this year rather, so that I can prove them wrong and make them proud. Yes, 2010 saw me through a huge failure … But I’m determined to rise up from the ashes, learn my mistakes and give this opportunity my ALL. I know that God has a plan for me in all this, or at least I don’t think I was placed here by chance. So, Father, I ask that your guiding hand be upon me and lead me to straight paths. I know that you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, but I also know that come what may, I will give thanks to you and do what is right according to your will.

I feel my mood going up and down recently. I feel confident one minute and the second I think that my parents or boss don’t believe that a weirdo like me can relate to society, my mood falls back to zero again. Honestly … I think you have to be really strong mentally in this career, I’m forever giving myself pep talks in my head. I can do it!! 2011 will be a year which is going to bloom financially for me and open new doors. And I will be able to contribute back to society because I will achieve financial independence this year!!!

Truth be told, you’re only ever important in this world and people only ever give a damn about you if:

1. you’re buying something from them
2. you’re famous
3. you’re someone

1% of the time, they tell you “hey let’s meet up” - they’re just acting nice. 99% of the time, they really don’t mean it. I don’t get it. Why do people say one thing and do another?? Why the false pretense?

I know I’m gonna be somebody someday. Or in the next three years, I give myself that. And when I’m somebody, I will not be fake as cucci is to gucci/channel is to chanel ……. Or may the heavens not have mercy on me.

I really hope it’s true what they say - that if you set your heart and mind to it, you can achieve.

I really hope what they say about scorpios is true. 100% tenacity and perseverance = success. I want to be nothing less than the top. Settling for less is not an option.

Daddy, I hope not to let you down. I won’t.

Yesterday, A texted me telling me he had broken up with his girlfriend. Poor girl. I’ve been monitoring her blog for the past 24hrs and she is not in good shape at all. I feel sorry that anything ever started between us, and it’s with some sort of shame that I admit that there was never anything to love about A in the first place. All the lies, smooth talking, and deceit … Without coming to the realization that I was merely a second choice. Now he’s back and I guess somewhere in his mind he actually believes that we could have worked out?

“I get the feeling that I should have done this earlier so that I wouldn’t have lost you.”

Boy, at the rate you were treating me, the only thing I would have been using you for would be an occasional quick romp in the sheets. 

I am much happier now and I’m really glad that you stuck with her, or I’d never have found the person I’m with now. Yeah, I guess this blog is all about failed relationships/beginning of new ones, sigh shallow much?

yourefilthyimgorgeous:

starryhours:(via 80steenmovies)

I’m just going to go home and sleep. Nobody cares about what I want, everyone wants to have a say in what they want me to do with my life. What if all I wanted to do was be a hippie and make flower garlands? Well, fuck you all. I really wish I could disappear off the face of this earth.